DOUBTS

Excitement, Tension, Anticipation followed by being surprised by my own courage and on the verge of succumbing to a moderate panic attack. As opposed as these sensations are, they belong together inseparably. From booking a trip up to the moment when I'm on my way to the airport to start this very trip. The process begins with the fact that I find a great bargain on the Internet. For example, an insane flight offer that takes me for a mere € 650 to India, the Seychelles and South Africa. UNBELIEVABLE!! Because of my enthusiasm I almost start to hyperventilate while at the same time I am busy calculating the costs and my available budget on an Excel Spreadsheet and parallel already planning my itineray. Crazy, I know! As soon as, of course only after further careful consideration and after I slept a few nights on it I click "Book" my excitement increases immeasurably. In my mind I can already see myself posing in front of the Taj Mahal, absorbing the intense smells of various spices on an Indian market and can almost literally feel how my feet are encircled from the warm waters of the Indian Ocean while I am taking an extensive, refreshing walk on a beach in the Seychelles.

The joyful news is spread to friends and family. The resulting resonant, often a mixture of surprise and horror. I am briefly unsettled that my family and friends seemed to be much more concerned than me, but as quickly as this thought apeared it´s already overshadowed by my anticipation and I smile away all the doubts. A tactic that works extremely well. Until exactly the time when the departure is only a few more days away. The doubts and worries of the people around me start to infiltrate. I let myself be infected by the horror scenarios that my friends have already painted down to the finest details. Horror scenarios equally terrifying. Either found dead, got raped or mugged and then destitute and mentally destroyed at a roadside in the middle of nowhere delivered to the elements. I know that all this people love me and just want what is best for me. There may be honorable motives behind the coloring of these horror scenarios but unfortunatley they do have only the extremely negative effect, that I am becoming uncertain about my decision. The doubts begin to weigh in. Only very softly in the beginning but proportional to the approach of the day of departure they become louder. So much so, that I start to call my sanity into question. How could I get involved in such a thing? How could I assume that I could live up to this challenge? For someone who is trying to be a confident, independent young woman, there is nothing worse than to question your own decisions. The doubts initiate the final stage and I am overcome by panic. A state in which I could let myself only too easily be overwhelmed by the burning desire cancel the flight, blow the whole thing and to stay in my known and sheltered home. I feel like a bird who looks out of the nest and sees the world around him enjoying life. A world of beauty and things that want to be discovered by him. A world in which simultaneously many dangers lurk. The little bird feels safe in its sheltered nest. Here it lacks nothing. However, its habitat is limited to a few centimeters and its tempted by the unknown. What could all happen to him if he leaves the nest? But what could he all miss if he never tried it?

This is precisely the reason why I use to take this mix of emotions on me. If one takes the plunge, it may happen that you fall deep. Or you discover unsuspected talents and abilities in yourself. Overcoming fears and doubts, spreading your wings and glide, being carried by the wind, through this wonderful, exciting world. Of course, one must be careful and not naively throw themself in such an adventure. But one must also not be paralyzed with fears about what could happen under certain circumstances. Let the fear of losing not prevent you from playing the game. And this is the positive attitude that arises ultimately again. Radiantly my face shines while approaching the airport. On my way to discover the new and unknown. To take the plunge from the nest and be carried up by the wind. Let´s jump on the next plane.

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